Monday, May 3, 2010

Alittle Numb

So things have been a bit off lately. I am having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that my dad is remarried. I guess it would seem more real to me if we were included. Nevertheless, I hope he is happy and allows the true him to shine through. I almost can't remember the guy he used to be which makes me sad.

I had a long conversation with my ex-husband the other night. It is weird how I am so much of a caregiver that I seem to have made myself his counselor on matters of our divorce and the kids. He was on drugs for so long that now the reality of the past several years are all hitting him at one time. Sometimes I want to tell him I hate him and I don't care what happens but that would be a lie. It is impossible to grow up with a person and not feel some kind of love for them. I hope he finds his path and I really hope he does not hurt my children in the process.

Granny's funeral is this weekend. Though she lived a full live it is painful to see my husband lose another person in his life. Between her passing and my ex's longing for time with the kids; I think it is bringing up some parts of my husbands past. He is missing his parents and regrets not spending the time with them that he could have. Along with the grieving of granny we will also be turning to a new chapter in life by way of meeting Grandma's new gentleman friend. I am happy that she has a companion, eager to meet him but can't imagine her without Gramps.

Our house guest is still here and it is wearing on us all including him. I am sure he is missing his own space and I am missing my quiet time at lunch. Here's to a new adventure for him -- may it come quickly!

In closing, I want to make sure you know how much I love and cherish you; my family and friends. Life is a bumpy, short climb up the hill and you never know what tomorrow will bring. Sleep well and love each other. Until I write again.

1 comment:

  1. my dear daughter,you are such a wonderful person!i just needed to say that.oh boy,change is hard.huh?i'm hoping your dad gets a backbone if it's not already to late!i'm glad you can have some kind of relationship with the ex,it makes it easier on the kids.casey,i'm so sorry about your are in my thoughts and one so young should experience so much for your houseguest,he's one of my favorites and i love that he has ambition.he is a different kind of houseguest than the ones you usually get!i love you all so very much!